Good morning to Captain and Crew alike, and welcome to the Admiralty Docket. This week, to set the tone for ourBuoy in Charleston Harbor study of admiralty and maritime law, let’s loosen up with some lawyer jokes. Remember, jokes are like lawyers, some are good, some are not so good, and some are bad. Here’s a full assortment.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Why won’t sharks bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

How cold was it on the coldest day of the year? It was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Where can you find a good lawyer? In the cemetery.

The Tooth Fairy, an honest lawyer, and a drunk walked down Calhoun street and together they came upon a $100 bill. Who do you think fell on the $100, wrestled it to the ground, and promptly took it to the nearest bar? The drunk, of course, the other two are mythical characters.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of warm vomit? The bucket.

What’s the difference between a dead rattlesnake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road. Skid marks in front of the rattlesnake.

Said the high priced out of town lawyer to his new client, “No need to worry, I will be arriving before your trial with my own witnesses.”

Why do so many lawyers have broken noses? Chasing parked ambulances.

What’s the difference between lawyers and admiralty lawyers? Admiralty lawyers drink more, swim faster, and use high floatation business cards.

Okay, enough for one day. More next week on The Admiralty Docket. Until then, remember your rights and responsibilities may change as you approach the shore and may God Almighty grant you pleasant sailing.